The World According to Angie

Let Go - Let God

I created this as part of my little project to decorate our home with my photography. This is for the frame that sits on our bar between the kitchen and the living room. I figured it was long overdue to remove the photograph of my dad as Santa Claus. (Sorry, Dad...)

I shot this image of our neighbor's tulips last week on a rare walk down Brennan Drive. I don't get out and walk the neighborhood near as often as I should... either with or without my camera. At any rate, this gorgeous purple tulip was just s-t-r-e-t-c-h-ing toward the sun, and I thought it would be the perfect backdrop for this reminder.

Now, every time I walk past that part of the house - several times, every day - I'm reminded to let go, and let God. It's a reminder I need several times, every day.

A "Spicy" Date Night and a chance to serve

I could not be more excited about the arrival of this weekend.  Seriously ... the only thing that'd make it better is if it were the 3-day kind.

Tonight, Jim and I will participate in "Date Night" at our church.  Fellowship does this extremely cool thing about once a month where they provide childcare for a nominal fee, and invite married couples to drop off the kids and go out to dinner.  Then, you come back for an hour of social activity.  Last month involved chocolate fondue ... this month, it's Salsa dancing lessons.

Since Jim and I had so much fun with that on our cruise, we were entirely revved up about getting registered for Date Night!

Even cooler is the fact that they've asked me to volunteer my time and take black-and-white portraits of each couple.  Jim and I still get to participate in the dance class, but we'll just arrive early to shoot the photos - and probably stay a wee bit late.

Speaking of "serving behind the lens," I've also been asked to shoot photos at the infant dedication happening this Sunday after 2nd service.  Hopefully I'll do a good enough job that they'll ask me to come back for future events...

When I opened the mail a few weeks ago and found a photograph from the night I was baptized out at the Grapevine campus, I was overwhelmed.  It was an immensely special moment for me, and to have a beautiful keepsake like that - well, it would be my honor to do that for others.

I'm just hoping I don't mess up these two opportunities ... wish me luck!

New blog for my photography

I was doing some blog maintenance earlier this week, and discovered I've got over 25 posts in the "photography & digital imaging" category, most of which are running samples of my work.  So I figure it's time for me to do something I've been thinking about for a while: create a separate blog for my photography.

So it's with my tongue firmly in cheek that I announce the launch of Point and Pray Photography.  The name comes from the way I used to describe my photographic style ... not really "point and shoot", but more "point and pray".  Audrey tells me I can't claim that any longer - which I'll take as a compliment, thank you, girl! - but I still thought it was a fun name for my blog.  Besides, as I wrote in this post,

I guess I'm no longer a point-and-pray photographer.  But then again, every time I frame up a particularly beautiful image in my viewfinder, and catch the light just right, I say a little prayer and thank God for the beauty of his creation.  And for putting me in the right place at the right time to capture it.  And for giving me this hobby that helps me slow down and actually examine the world around me, rather than just rushing past it at a thousand miles an hour.

So yeah ... I'm still a point-and-pray photographer ... but now, instead of a prayer for guidance, it's a prayer of gratitude.

I'll probably do a lot of cross-linked posts between there and here, to let y'all know when I add stuff I'm particularly pleased with.  And I'll continue to dress up my ramblings over here with photos.  (Text-only is so boring!)  But now there's a dedicated home for my photos, and they're happy.

Of course, let me warn you the site is very much under construction.  I've reserved the domain www.pointandpray.com just because it amuses me, and in the next 24-48 hours once DNS propagation is done, it'll be set up.  That's about the same time I'm hoping to have a custom theme on the site, rather than the neutral TypePad canned theme I grabbed to get myself going.

Should I have waited until it was entirely set up to post this announcement?  Maybe.  But patience has never been one of my strong suits.

I think we've found our church

I intended to post about this on Sunday afternoon ... I had hoped to capture my excitement with a sense of immediacy ... but - well, life happened.  So the adage "better late than never" applies.

It is with a huge dose of cautious optimisim that I say - I think we've found our church.

Jim and I have been talking for the past several months about finding a permanent church home, somewhere we can attend together, set down roots, and begin establishing a firm foundation of faith both individually as well as within our relationship.  This is an extremely new concept for me.  While I've taken steps to explore my faith on my own, I've never been in a romantic relationship where my partner had any interest whatsoever in doing the same.

But Jim's faith has always been an important part of who and what he is, and so when he started talking about a desire to find a different church, and we talked about what we were looking for in a church home ... well, we agreed that the time had come to take some serious steps to find it.  Call it a New Year's resolution, if you will.

But how do you go about finding a new church?  I'd say it's just as hard as finding a good OB/GYN.  That probably sounds crass, but seriously - would you pick a gynecologist just by randomly choosing a name off a list?  Religion is a sensitive thing, and finding someplace where you're going to be comfortable ... well, that's tough.

I lucked out.  My parents have found an amazing church in San Antonio - Journey Fellowship - and the few times I've joined them on visits, I've fallen completely in love with it.  It's an off-shoot, or "mission community", of Oak Hills Church - where Max Lucado is senior pastor.  About three weeks out of four, his ministry is broadcast via satellite and shown on-screen there at Journey, after the live music worship and prayer and communion.  But about once a month, Max will come and preach in-person.  I was fortunate enough to be there Easter Sunday in 2006, and witnessed Max's sermon live.  He was unbelievable.

What I like most about their church, though, is the fact that it's so real.  Everyone comes as they are, without airs or pretense.  I've walked into far too many churches and felt judged.  It's a sad truth, but some of the nastiest, most judgemental people on earth are church-going Christians.  They're high-and-mighty, holier-than-thou, and think they have the right to judge everyone around them.  You're divorced?  Oh, well, you're less worthy than the rest of us to be here.  It doesn't much matter what the details are - the fact that he was unfaithful is insignificant - you're divorced, and God hates divorce, and that's that.  And they sneer down their noses at you.

That's not what it's supposed to be about: church is supposed to be a place for us to come together, as we are right now, to worship and learn and work to become better people, to strive together to live lives that glorify God and His Word.  At least, that's how I understand it.  If it's about the judgemental thing, I honestly don't want to be a part of it, and I can understand why so many people turn their backs on the "organized" part of organized religion.

So I've mentioned to my Mom several times that if I could just find a church in Dallas that was like theirs, I'd join it in a heartbeat.  She decided to ask her pastor if he knew of any in the DFW area that were similar to Journey, and he suggested two: Watermark Church, which I've attended - and enjoyed - in the past, and Fellowship Church.

After spending some time doing our research, we attended the 9:45a service at Fellowship Plano on Sunday, January 6th.

They meet in a ginormous building, which I've been told is the old Fujitsu plant.  From looking around inside, it would make sense ... it looks like a giant factory floor that's been converted into usable space.  Everyone we encountered - from the folks directing parking to the people checking in Kids' Church to the ushers and greeters - was extremely warm and welcoming in a genuine way, without being creepy or weird.

Speaking of Kids' Church, Veronica was with us, and opted to attend the Youth Service for her age group, rather than the main service with us.  I must commend her for her bravery; at her age, I would have been terrified to go off on my own, and would have stuck like glue to my parents.  But instead, she checked in for Merge, and after we met the group leader, Kyle, off she be-bopped with a smile.

We were then led over to the main sanctuary and were walked all the way to our seats for service.  The band had just gotten started, and let me tell you - they ROCKED!  A group of about 7 young adults, they looked more like a punk/alternative band than a Christian group.  I swear, they had this whole Green Day vibe going on, with the messy hair and the unbuttoned shirts and the loose ties and what-not.  The music was amazing - rockin' - uplifting - and worshipful, for all that.

Once they finished about 20 minutes of music, we prayed, and then the screens came down for the pastor's message via satellite.  Fellowship Church Plano is a satellite location for Fellowship Church, whose main campus is in Grapevine.  Pastor Ed Young preaches over there, and his message is broadcast to four other campuses - Plano, Downtown Dallas, Fort Worth, and Miami.

Pastor Ed absolutely blew me away.  First of all, he's a powerful speaker.  Jim and I are going to be a tough audience for any pastor, given our background in public speaking.  I won't presume to speak for Jim, but I'll say that I've got pretty high standards for effective communication, and it's difficult for me to listen to someone who isn't an effective communicator.  Pastor Ed is a strong speaker - no doubt about it.

But above and beyond that, he's got immense passion for his topic, and huge love for his audience.  His message on Sunday was the first in a series on the subject of betrayal.  What impressed me most was how down-to-earth he was, how little "churchy-language" there was in his speech - he was talking to us like an everyday guy, and didn't feel the need to get all pompous and "churchy" to get his point across - indeed, he understood that the more real and relevant he made his message, the more he'd hit home with us.

And the topic was oh so very relevant for everyone there.  It certainly touched my heart.  Who hasn't been betrayed?  I found myself jotting notes down on the bulletin they gave us ... the Biblical story Pastor Ed used to illustrate betrayal was Genesis 37 - the story of Joseph and his coat of many colors.  The way he told the tale was unlike I've ever heard it before ... "You think you've got a dysfunctional family?  Your family's got nothing on Joseph's!"  He talked about how Joseph's father made a bone-headed parenting decision ... about how Joseph couldn't keep his mouth shut, didnt know when to leave well enough alone ... and how his brothers finally had enough and stripped him of his robe and left him in the cistern.

As Pastor Ed said, "Joseph needed to have a breakdown to have a breakthrough."  (The speaker in me appreciated that turn of phrase!)  "God didn't cause what has happened to you, he allowed it to happen."  "God is preparing you for what he has prepared for you.  There is a PURPOSE for the PIT" of betrayal.  And he talked about how there comes a time that we all have to make the decision to climb out of our pit and move beyond the pain of that betrayal and get on with our lives.

It was an amazing, uplifting, motivating message that helped in so many ways to put a great deal into perspective for me.  So many past hurts, from small things in my growing-up years to the biggest betrayal in my divorce ... when the service was over, and we stood to leave, I found myself anxious to return the next Sunday.

I can't recall the last time I actually looked forward to church.

And when I realized I'll be in Las Vegas, and can't make the coming Sunday's service, I was actually disappointed.

It was then that I knew something special had happened here.

Jim turned to me, and asked me what I thought.  I shared that with him, and he said ... "Yeah.  Me too."  I replied, "Do you think we've found it?"  And he said, "Yeah, I think so."

One of the things that impressed us the most about Pastor Ed was his willingness to be human, and imperfect, with his congregation.  During his sermon, he shared a personal betrayal he experienced, and the fact that he still feels anger over it.  He said, "That's something I need to pray about," and when he said that, I thought - "Wow - a pastor who's willing to admit their imperfections and struggles in front of everyone?"  It struck me as an incredible example this man, this leader, is setting for his congregation.  This is someone I want to learn from.

The clincher was when we went into the kids' area to pick up Veronica.  She was shooting hoops with a new friend, giggling and carrying on and having a grand old time.  We asked her about the service, and she chattered on about what they'd done and what they'd learned, and about the new friend she'd made.  She liked the three youth leaders, and said that yes - she'd like to go back.

So ... it's with cautious optimism that I say, I think we've found our church.  I'm disappointed I'll miss this coming Sunday's service (and I still can't believe I'm saying that!) but I'll definitely be there the following week.

Wearing produce on my chest

So, it was the week before Christmas, and Jim and I were in Mardel, picking up a few gifts for his children - namely music for his son Michael - and I was looking through their t-shirt selections, trying to find one that was appropriately guitar-themed, one that Michael might dig ... and I came across one that made me burst out laughing, right there in the store, much to my embarrassment and the curiosity of several other shoppers.  Seeing as how all their t-shirts were on sale, and seeing as how Jim had previously asked for assistance and advice when it came to gift ideas for me, I grabbed it and brought it to him, and said,

"You have to buy this for me for Christmas."

And when I opened it on Christmas morning, and held it up to show my parents, my mother burst into hysterical laughter.  "Do you remember...?"

"Of course I do!  That's why... hee hee hee!"

And Jim and Dad looked really confused.

You see, it isn't just the cute play-on-words that tickled me, because it's not that funny.  There's a deeper story behind this particular shirt.

From 1990-1992, my family was stationed in Stuttgart, Germany.  My father was a Chief Warrant Officer with the 131st Combat Support Hospital (US Army) and our family had quarters at Robinson Barracks.  While my Dad was deployed for the first Gulf War, my mother and brother and I attended the Protestant church services at the RB Chapel.  At some point during that time, the Chaplain, who had been serving there for years and who we really liked, retired.  We were in church the day they introduced his replacement.

Now, I will be the first to admit that being a military chaplain is an extremely difficult job.  And I'm certain that the new Chaplain was a wonderful man with a heart for sharing the word of the Lord.  But when he stepped forward that day, and folded his hands, and bowed his head, and said, "Lettuce Play..."

... it was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud.  Right there, in the middle of church.

You see, he was a non-native English speaker, and he had a really, really, really strong accent.  He had trouble with a lot of consonant sounds, like those r's coming out as l's.  The next few words sounded something like, "Heabenwy Pater, we tank chew por da bwessings ..." and my brain simply would not engage.  I wanted to be kind, and I did not want to laugh at the chaplain, but from that day on, I began having a really hard time attending church services.  It was such a struggle to decipher exactly what he was saying that by the time I managed to figure it out, I didn't have time to let the message itself sink in.

It had a huge impact on me, teaching me that communication is about more than just the words you choose ... it's in the way you say those words, and in the way those words are heard.  It's one of the reasons I take my skill development in public speaking so seriously to this very day.

Now, it's a funny story to tell, and I get a giggle out of the t-shirt.  "Lettuce pray" ... hee hee hee!

"Are you really gonna blog about your faith?"

Several weeks ago, after a particularly rambling entry about how stressed and worry-filled I had become, I posted an entry that was a bit out of character for The World According to Angie ... one in which I shared two Biblical verses that were meaningful to me.  When I made that post, I also added a whole new category to my blog: Faith.

I've mentioned that Typepad lets me view statistics on my blog, right?  Well, I've been stunned at how many hits I've gotten on the category page for Faith.  Repeated hits.  Repeated daily hits.  Like there are people out there who keep coming back, hoping I'll have added new entries to the Faith section of my site.

Well ... that's always been my plan.  Yeah.  I really am going to blog about my faith.  Which is wholly and entirely out-of-character for me.  And I'm extremely scared about it.  I know I can't do this without upsetting and offending someone, somewhere, at some time along the way.  This will sound cheesy to some of you who "don't go for this sort of thing", but ... I've been praying about this for weeks.  And everything I'm finding in my heart tells me that I'm on a journey right now, and blogging about it will help me gain clarity.  Sharing it with my community of family and friends will help me draw upon the support I need as I'm on this journey.

And, above all else, I want to both live and blog fearlessly.  So if I might offend someone along the way, or if I might turn off a few readers with these posts ... well ... a blog written with fear is only half a blog - or something like that.  If you're not interested in any of these posts, ignore them.  I promise, there will be plenty of other ones on stupid t-shirts and all the other normal idiocy of my life for you to enjoy.

Now ... that being said, I need to set this up with a little bit of background information.

I generally avoid discussing religion because I'm sensitive about offending people.  I have an extremely diverse base of friends, in large part due to my involvement with Toastmasters.  Throughout my years of leadership experience, I've come to appreciate just how broad-reaching and diverse our organization is.  I have friends who are every possible flavor of Christian you can imagine ...  plus Mormon ... Muslim ... Jewish ... Atheist ... I have friends who are Agnostic, and Wiccan, and I even know a practicing Pagan or two.

I am about the most gentle, loving, and respectful person you'll find when it comes to everyone's individual right to worship in the way of their choosing.  You see ... I may entirely disagree with the deity you choose to worship - or, in some cases, to not worship.  I may feel your choice of religious tenets aren't the ones I'd choose for me.  Or I may think you're just completely, flat-out wrong.  But above all else, I respect your right to believe what you believe.  Just as you should respect my right to believe what I believe and worship in the way I feel is right for me to worship.

I know that sounds like a "live and let live" philosophy ... and the evangelists out there are probably screaming at me right now.  "If you're a true believer, it should be imprinted on your heart to go out and show sinners the error of their ways and convert them to the True Way..." Well ... that's another thing.

I believe that the most effective method of "witnessing" is quietly living a life that looks different.  Nowadays, people are automatically programmed to turn their brains off when they hear someone start talking religion.  Going door-to-door, asking people if you can sit down and talk about their religious convictions ... or even one-on-one with people you know ... bring up the topic of religion, and nothing will turn a conversation cold or sour a relationship faster than that.

But I have seen some of the most powerful examples of witnessing by people who lived their lives in and among the people they wanted to reach out to ... but didn't say a word about their religion.  Instead, they just lived lives that looked ... different.  And over time, the people around them noticed something was different.  And asked about it.  And when they asked, they were open to the conversation, and then their hearts were ready for a discussion about faith.

That's a topic for a whole different post, something entirely separate and all of its own.  So I'll talk more about it later.  But what I wanted to lay the groundwork for is simply this: religion just isn't something I talk about much at all, partly because it's one of those things I think should be less talking, and more 'doing'.

And finally, I don't talk much about religion because I'm still largely uncomfortable talking about it.  I was raised in a Christian household, but due to a number of factors - not the least of which was the fact that we were military and moved around all the time - we didn't attend church regularly.  Christian, but non-church-going ... sounds like much of the United States these days, right?

But it also wasn't something we talked about a lot.  I recall us saying Grace at mealtime, and I remember being taught to say my prayers before bed as a child, but I don't remember us ever praying together as a family.  For us, belief in God was something quiet, something we didn't discuss.  I grew to believe that your religious beliefs are private.  Between you and God.  To this day, I still get very uncomfortable when the topic of religion is brought up in most settings, and I don't feel comfortable talking about my spirituality with others.

Except with Jim.  That's something else entirely.  And that, my friends, is the crux of this journey.  You see, Jim and I are looking to find a church home.  Someplace the two of us, together, can set down roots in a community of like-minded Christians... where we can feed our spirits, where we can learn and grow together.

But that, too, is a whole different post.  What I wanted to do with this one was say ... yes: I'm going to blog about my faith.  I know I'm going to "rock the boat" - so to speak - at one point or another with these postings.  To my friends of varying religious convictions, know that my love for you has not lessened and, as I begin this journey of mine, I'm not going to turn into some Bible-thumping nutbag.  I'm still going to be the same ol' Angie I've always been ... firm in my conviction that you have a right to worship in your way, and I have the right to worship in mine ... but hopefully, this "same ol' Angie" will gain greater peace and strength as she travels along this particular path.

And for everyone else ... now you know a little bit more about why I'm so blessedly scared to start blogging about my faith.  I feel like I'm opening a giant can of worms ... or, perhaps it's more accurate to say I'm popping the lid on Pandora's Box.  You may not like what I have to say; you may disagree with me, but I promise to blog with honesty.  I only ask that you read with love.

This should be an interesting journey...

An act of God?

I just read my last post.  I usually do that ... post something, and then go re-read it, just to make sure I didn't mis-spell anything, or screw up a hyperlink, or accidentally upload the wrong photo, because if I were to grab the wrong photo from the wrong folder, some of you would be seeing WAY more of me than you ever wanted to ...

Not really.  I'm just kidding.  I've got a really strict policy about that - no matter how much anyone ever says they love you, don't ever let 'em take pictures of you in the altogether.  Because you never know where those pictures might wind up.  Like ... on your blog by accident.  But, I digress.

In my last post, I said that it would take "an act of God" to get me to stop worrying.  And re-reading that phrase made something go -CLICK- in my head, and I ran to get my Bible.

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

"Do not be anxious out anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Phillippians 4:6-7

These two verses brought me immense peace as I struggled through the long, dark days of my divorce.  And given all that's going on right now - the events of the past weeks, the stress at work, the toll all this is taking on my body, and what may or may not be required to fix my sinuses down the road - I needed this reminder.

I guess it really does take an act of God.

And yes ... I really did just combine Biblical verses and mention of nakedey photos in the same blog post.  Like I said, I'm crazy, but you like me that way.