WARNING: (oh, it's always a good sign when I begin a post with its own warning) This blog posting is full of feeling-sorry-for-myself. I know it's one big ol' pity-party, but I'm feeling a smidge entitled tonight. So I'll try to keep it short, and you'll try to avoid posting comments about how "Grinchy" I sound, and we'll all have Peace on Earth, blah blah ... phooey.
I thought I was doing pretty good with the whole recovering-from-surgery thing. Not great, but pretty good. I finished the 20 day course of antibiotics just as the worst of the side effects were kicking in. (I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but when I'm on Biaxin too long, I wind up with horrendous lower back pain. It's happened 3x now.) I took my last Vicodin on the 23rd (and let me tell you, painkiller withdrawal on Christmas Eve - not such the fun thing for you or your family, but we survived to tell the tale, and this is why I didn't want to be on the stuff for nearly two weeks straight and why I kept trying to get off it early, it wasn't just me being stubborn, thankyouverymuch...) I was doing the saltwater sinus irrigation religiously, flushing 'em out with a baby bulb syringe twice a day, and let me tell you that while that is perhaps the grossest part of recovery from ESS, it's also the most amazing-feeling. And only people who have had ESS will understand (right, Audrey?) - it's like scratching an itch you can't reach any other way, and then going "Omigosh, did that come out of my head???"
Anyway. I thought I was doing pretty good. My energy levels were still pretty crappy, and I was crashing each day around or shortly after lunch, taking a couple hours of nap, and then getting up for the evening ... but all in all, I thought I was doing well.
Until late in the day on Christmas Day, when the aches and chills started, and the sore throat got really bad. And I realized the lymph nodes in my neck were rock hard. And I asked Jim for a flashlight. And realized that there were these pretty little white spots on my tonsils.
So this morning, after a farewell breakfast with my parents, who hit the road for San Antonio (as previously planned), and Jim, who went to pick up his kids from his ex-wife for his half of Christmas with them ... well, I was back in Dr. Dansby's office at 11am.
Good news is that my sinuses are clear. Thank God. The left one is still pretty swollen and "is obviously still healing" - "may need another week" - "so rest and take it easy and keep irrigating it, okay?" - but I now have a secondary post-surgery infection in my throat. He didn't say it was strep ... didn't even bother culturing it ... but I suspect that's what it is, given the fact that this morning, the white spots had spread and merged and it looked more like my tonsils were flocked with snow for the holidays. That, and the fact that I used to get strep throat three times a year as a child.
(Why do I still have my tonsils, then? Well, that would be a question to ask the military doctors.)
So now, I'm home, tucked into my apartment, with 10 more days of a DIFFERENT antibiotic (AAARGH!) and instructions to rest, drink plenty of liquids, lots of soup, and take it easy.
How in the heck did this happen? I thought I was resting, but apparently not enough. I must have picked this up during that second week post-surgery and pre-Christmas, when I was out and about doing last-minute shopping, or when we were in the movies on Christmas Eve. It's the only thing I can think of, because nobody else that came into the house has been sick. And now I'm just hoping I didn't share this with any of them...
I guess my biggest complaints tonight are:
1. I'm so tired of being tired. I know that sounds ridiculous, and self-serving, and all that, but I feel like I've been doing nothing but sleeping the last two weeks. I'm ready to start feeling better, and by all rights, I should be back to something resembling normal. But because I was stupid, I'm sick, and that's pushed me backwards on the recovery path.
2. I feel like I'm going to waste what little time I have left before I have to go back to work. I'm home, with my studio, and there's PROJECTS I want to work on ... but I feel so darn tired (see #1) and so cruddy, I don't feel like doing anything but lying in bed. And I feel like I'm wasting the three vacation days I took this week so I could have the full block of time off between Christmas and New Years. Oh, and speaking of which...
3. I'm worried about being better for New Year's Eve. We've got plans to celebrate with a double-date that night, Jim and I with Audrey and Chris Reed. Audrey made reservations for us at a Brazilian steakhouse in Dallas that I've never been to, but she swears is "better than Fogo" - a place called Rafain. They're not cheap, but for a special event, it's worth the splurge ... but only if I'm feeling better. And Lord knows I don't want to get any of them sick.
I suppose to balance this out, I should also list a couple things I'm grateful for. This might be a little more difficult...
1. I'm grateful I made it through the bulk of Christmas before I started feeling bad. I had a great time with Jim, and my parents, and Eddie, and on Christmas Eve, Audrey and Chris ... and thankfully, I didn't start feeling the worst of this until the night of Christmas Day. So I'm grateful for that.
2. I'm grateful Jim doesn't have to put up with me now. The timing on this is good... he's got his kids now. If he didn't have them for the next few days, he'd want to take care of me, and to be honest, he's been doing that for the last two weeks. He's absolutely amazing, and awesome, and tireless at it ... but I'm sure that act is starting to get old. At least this is going to give him a break from it for a while. And it's not like I'm still on any heavy-duty sedating drugs and need to be closely monitored. I'm just on antibiotics, for goodness sake. So while I'd love to have someone here to cook for me, and tuck me in to bed, and bring me hot tea and tell me they love me ... it's probably a good thing Jim's getting a break from sick-and-cranky Angie.
3. Maybe I'll get some good reading done. In-between naps, of course. I've got a stash of books that I bought to read during my surgery recovery that I didn't much touch, because I was either sleeping or getting ready for Christmas (which I now realize was pushing myself too hard... moron) so now maybe even if I'm not up to playing in my studio, I can at least do some reading.
Okay, so there ... I managed an equal number of gratitudes to my complaints. I should get extra credit for that. (Can you tell I'm extra-cranky tonight?)
And to close this blog posting ... I sometimes get asked - "Why on earth do you blog about stuff like your migraines, or your sinus surgery?" Couple reasons ... my blog is here to keep friends and family posted on what's going on with me. That's what happened to be going on with me at various points throughout this year. But more importantly, TypePad seems to be doing a good job of indexing my blog with the major search engines. Case in point: within minutes of posting my movie review of National Treasure this week, I had two Google search engine hits on it.
When I faced Endoscopic Sinus Surgery for the first time, I hit the web to do research - to try and arm myself with information about what to expect. All I could find were sites from medical schools or surgeons or WebMD. What I really wanted was information from the patient's perspective on what recovery was like. That's sort of what my blog has done.
I've gotten random emails from people thanking me for sharing my battle with migraine headaches, and saying that they're going to ask their doctor about Topomax. And I figure for every person who sends me an email, there are five who read my blog and didn't.
But the best case in point came in the form of an email I received from a young woman on the 19th of December. "I stumbled on your blog," she said, "while searching the net for people who've just had sinus surgery, in a fit of guilty self pity after I only got about 2 hours of work done from home today." Turns out she just had her second round of ESS on the 7th of December, and our medical histories read scary-similar. First surgery worked ... for a while. Then rounds of sinusitis-fever-bronchitis back to sinusitis, rounds of antibiotics. She said, "Makes me feel half miserable then half like a lazy bum," and I totally knew what she meant.
During her surgery, her surgeon found something similar to what mine did - her ethmoids were infected - so the surgery was more invasive, meaning a longer recovery period. She wrote, "it helps to know that someone else is going through what I am. Sitting at home recovering, I was starting to get down about how long it was taking, but your post reminded me that not everyone can bounce back in 4 days!"
So, to those of you who ask why I blog about this kind of stuff: there is your answer.
And now, I'm going to take my cranky butt back to bed. Well, maybe to the kitchen first, to heat up a bowl of soup ... and then to bed. If anyone has emailed me, I hope you'll understand if it takes a few days for me to respond. In the meanwhile, I hope you're all enjoying your Christmas presents, and that you're putting off the housecleaning just a little while longer. It'll keep. Rest and relax. The New Year will be here before we know it. And 2008 is soon enough to clean house.
Oh, and speaking of which, I thought of two more gratitudes:
4. I'm grateful we did Christmas at Jim's house. Not only is it homey and cheerful and there's plenty of room, and a great big kitchen, and it's got the chocolate couch ... but I got to leave the mess there. Not that there was much of a mess, but...
5. I'm grateful for my housecleaning service. They came while I was at Jim's recovering from surgery ... so my apartment is sparkling clean.
Ah... we have to be grateful for the little things, right? Right.
Recent Comments